Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
