I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
