I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
