he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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