i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
