I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize