Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
