Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
