yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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