I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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