my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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