i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
