Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
