Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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