i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize