the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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