i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
