Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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