...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
