what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
