She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize