She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
