he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
