margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
