Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
