Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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