my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
