just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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