do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
