i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
