I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize