Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
