wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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