I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
