You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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