To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
