stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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