is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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