if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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