on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
