I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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