can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize