Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
