Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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