whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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