i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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