Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
