I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my poor anus
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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