: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize