he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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