Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
