Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
