yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
