Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
