Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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