At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
