omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
