i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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