So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
