I love black thongs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
