Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize