i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
