Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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