i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize