he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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