I bet he comes in French.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
