my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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