Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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