Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
