I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize