Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need moral support for this bender
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
