I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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