It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
