I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize