Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize