Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
