He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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