dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i drank out of a bidet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
