I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
