I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
