Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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