I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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