A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
