so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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