just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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