i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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