I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
