yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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