I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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