Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
