Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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