so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
