We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
