it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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