dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Everything about him screamed your future.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
