if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
