I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
