Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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