He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
