The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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