Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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