good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
MIDGETS
????
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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