Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
