The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
