he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
