my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
