see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
