Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
