Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
