Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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