he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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