You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
